The first thing that has to happen is that the idea must first be conceived from the pit of uselessness. In other words, in order to really fuck something up grand scale, you must eliminate any chance that research or financial implications have been considered. The idea must come on a whim and you must commit to never turning back.
The next important step is to do absolutely no real planning, and again, no research into the idea. Instead, your next plan of attack must be to email out for a huge conference call. Included in this professional liaisons will be an NDA. The NDA will make people think that your idea is really fucking awesome, and at this juncture, that's the foremost goal. Remember, the key to a solid NDA is making sure you explain what words mean, but never really saying a fucking thing.
At this point, you send the NDA out to 100 people. You only really need like 3 of them, at most, but that's just not good enough. 100 people thinking you have some bad ass , game changing idea is way better. You will then get 100 people replying to you with "thanks I will have my attorney review this NDA and then return it." What this means is that 3 attorneys will receive the same NDA over and over again from roughly 10 people. The other 90 are just saying they will have it reviewed, but will actually call up their bro that isn't on the NDA received list and ask if they should sign it.
Once this is complete, its time for the conference call. No matter what your project is, even if its not actually a live internet site or doesn't even process transactions, you still need to get a hosting company and billing company on the call.
Present developer with plan. Remember, you have already sent the developer like 700 stream of conscious ideas this week from your iPhone, so the only way for him or her to understand the relative significance between your idea and the signing of the Declaration of Independence is through presenting an official spec.
Now its time to create your coming soon banners for GFY. Here's a good model / formula for the perfect pre launch banners.
At this point, its time to hit up Eric and pretend that you want to pay for a GFY skin. Its important to keep in mind that you will never really fucking do this, but you MUST pretend that you are totally interested. Once you have sufficiently wasted his time, you should make a thread on GFY that you are hiring for a secret project that will change the world. This way, you will get a bunch of out of work hot tail hitting you up and maybe you can swing a blowjob somewhere in this parade. Also, its time to get rid of that Havasu hangover and review the final product. Basically, the next 5 minutes of your life will consist of the following:
-Q/A
-Deciding random launch date
Now the fun begins. Its time to launch it to the best and brightest minds there are and reap in all the glory of your new brainchild. Its important that you categorize the idea as "mainstream."
Ok, now that you new product has failed, time to start trying to fix the issue. First thing you need to do is have a meeting with the developer and designer.
Now once this change is completed, you need to buy a bunch of traffic from all the usual suspects. Spend a ton of cash. Once you have done this, you will make one join. Here is what the spreadsheet will look like:
Join = $19.99
Seeing that you thought you'd just be counting money at this point, you never accounted for the developer's time cost, banner production cost, extra day in Havasu bragging cost, and don't forget that NDA attorney fee. So basically, you don't know that every join actually = -$4,146, but you have an idea its pretty fucked up
Now that you are losing your ass and your product is a complete and total copy of everyone else's, its time to finalize this disaster by starting a thread on GFY and blaming tube sites for cloakingcash's failure.
BROMaster out.
Fucking gold.
ReplyDeletehahahaha, sounds like sleazy and his failed yes signals.
ReplyDelete