press release.
release press
BROMaster and Facebook have now acquired a deal that puts BROMaster on the social media giant. This ends speculation that BROMaster would end up on Myspace.
"Social media is really important. It can be the difference between industry people thinking you are a complete fucking idiot, and knowing it."
BROMaster told Imabro.
Make sure you sign up today, space is limited.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
BROMaster did what????
Fame Dollars isn't the only ones!
For all you car fanatics out there, BROMaster is auctioning off his car.
For all you car fanatics out there, BROMaster is auctioning off his car.
One of BROMaster's legendary cars is going to be auctioned off this week, giving all his fans a chance to own a piece of depreciation.
That's right, you can own the very car that BROMaster once used to jack off in while parked outside of the Costa Mesa Hooters during lunch rush!!!
One of BROMaster's low-performance cars will be on auction this week giving all his fans a chance at owning legendary awesomeness.
1999 Saturn SL2 with a 1.9 liter capable of putting out close to 124 horses or 20.6 Dragons.
Specs
That's right, you can own the very car that BROMaster once used to jack off in while parked outside of the Costa Mesa Hooters during lunch rush!!!
One of BROMaster's low-performance cars will be on auction this week giving all his fans a chance at owning legendary awesomeness.
1999 Saturn SL2 with a 1.9 liter capable of putting out close to 124 horses or 20.6 Dragons.
Specs
- Less than 12000 rotations on the tires
- Less than 450k on new front brake pads
- Lower splash guard allows you to drink sprite while driving
- Every bolt, nut, fastner, sticker and piece of glue has been replaced...or needs to be (hobbiest dream)
- Utilizes gas friendly modes on descents
- Rolling windows down puts car in eco-friendly mode
- Custom tuned (all radio presets remain intact)
- Car boasts a new rear view mirror that has only been looked into less than 34 times
- Has head rest for head
- Dragon slayer theme says "I get pussy" to neighbors and people in Wendy's parking lots
- Murdered out window tint
- 10 spoke, 13 inch wheels that roll when gas pedal applied
- New aftermarket air freshener (will not void expired warranty)
Virtual Interior tour of dragon machine.
Will throw in custom Dragon (pussy) Slayer leather jacket for right sized buyer.
Thanks Peter North.
Friday, July 23, 2010
BROMaster exclusive news: Sacramento suburb, from thriving to abandoned.
Last April, when the Miller family had loaded the last of their belongings into the uhaul van, which was parked out in front of their Lincoln, California home, Bobby, their 9 year old son, only had one request. "Daddy," the little boy looked up and said to his dad, "can we stop at the Baskin Robbins for our favorite family treat?"
"I didn't have the heart to tell him that Baskin Robbins had also left," Kenneth Miller told Imabro, "but all the same, its very telling, he didn't even seem upset that he was being uprooted and leaving his community, his friends, the only things he ever knew."
Maybe Bobby isn't upset because he's the last of what has been a vast residential exodus from this cozy Lincoln neighborhood, located just north of the hustle and bustle of industrial Sacramento. Ten years ago, this neighborhood consisted of cookie cutter houses, wives playing tennis during the day, the sounds of school yard kids rustling and lunch bells.
Now its all but a ghost town.
While some have politely blamed the economy, others tell a much gloomier and darker tale. One that they say caused this exodus to begin ten years ago to date, but only became noticeably five years ago.
"The day Rochard pulled up with his mustang and unloaded the first box, the first thing I did was look at my wife and say, 'there is no fucking way I am living next to this fruit basket.'" We actually fought for days. My wife volunteers every month down at the Humane Society, so she believes every species deserves a chance. But she finally came around after he asked her if she could drop like 20 years, 30 pounds and fly to Phoenix for a weekend 'shoot.'"
And so it began, days that used to be filled with gleeful children playing on swingsets and romantic married couples on evening walks, now replaced with the sound of a roaring mustang. The annual neighborhood garage and yard sale usually the center square of socializing and welcoming spring, now a hostile war zone of those hiding and avoiding conversations with Rochard.
"He's just annoying to me. He was always talking about him and Hefner being buds, or revving up his "'stang" and "cruising" the neighborhood. He was like finger nails across a chalk board, or as my wife used to say, gasoline inside your intestines. However you wanna put it, it was uncomfortable. I know we lost Chili's over him, I'm still ticked." Kenneth continued.
Its true, a once thriving Chili's bar and Grill, now just another cookie cutter corporate wasteland.
"We tried to stay in business, but I couldn't keep the waitresses hired." Bill Rickom, former GM of Lincoln's Chilis Bar and Grill, told Imabro in a non-exclusive interview.
"He was constantly in here offering the waitresses rides, telling them he'd take them cruising in his "'stang." He would just sit in the bar and stare at them. Sometimes he'd hand them aluminum Playboy business cards. Our bartender girl told me that the cards always appeared old and she questioned if he even worked there."
Other neighbors, like some that asked to have their identities concealed due to fears that Rochard might figure out how to use Google, used more elaborate methods to try to get Rochard to move out.
"We tried everything to get him to leave, hell, we even had some of the neighbors convince him that they were parking their cars in our driveway and that we didn't actually live there, just so he'd think we left. I know one neighbor replaced the yard with dirt, he was trying to send a message to Rochard. In a biblical sense, the message was that Rochard causes vast droughts and famine. None of it worked though."
At one point, most residents claimed that most of their lives had been transformed from suburban paradise, to a life spent on the run from being cornered by Rochard and being forced to listen to his stories and politics.
We interviewed several local Drs. throughout the community, they all agreed that while Rochard is annoying, its not something that will effect long term health and most former residents should expect to feel 100 percent again within a month after relocating.
"The important thing is to get right back on the saddle. Start interacting with people again, go to community events and invite new neighbors over. The key in getting Rochard out of your mind is being proactive and having a positive attitude."
"I didn't have the heart to tell him that Baskin Robbins had also left," Kenneth Miller told Imabro, "but all the same, its very telling, he didn't even seem upset that he was being uprooted and leaving his community, his friends, the only things he ever knew."
Maybe Bobby isn't upset because he's the last of what has been a vast residential exodus from this cozy Lincoln neighborhood, located just north of the hustle and bustle of industrial Sacramento. Ten years ago, this neighborhood consisted of cookie cutter houses, wives playing tennis during the day, the sounds of school yard kids rustling and lunch bells.
Now its all but a ghost town.
While some have politely blamed the economy, others tell a much gloomier and darker tale. One that they say caused this exodus to begin ten years ago to date, but only became noticeably five years ago.
"The day Rochard pulled up with his mustang and unloaded the first box, the first thing I did was look at my wife and say, 'there is no fucking way I am living next to this fruit basket.'" We actually fought for days. My wife volunteers every month down at the Humane Society, so she believes every species deserves a chance. But she finally came around after he asked her if she could drop like 20 years, 30 pounds and fly to Phoenix for a weekend 'shoot.'"
And so it began, days that used to be filled with gleeful children playing on swingsets and romantic married couples on evening walks, now replaced with the sound of a roaring mustang. The annual neighborhood garage and yard sale usually the center square of socializing and welcoming spring, now a hostile war zone of those hiding and avoiding conversations with Rochard."He's just annoying to me. He was always talking about him and Hefner being buds, or revving up his "'stang" and "cruising" the neighborhood. He was like finger nails across a chalk board, or as my wife used to say, gasoline inside your intestines. However you wanna put it, it was uncomfortable. I know we lost Chili's over him, I'm still ticked." Kenneth continued.
Its true, a once thriving Chili's bar and Grill, now just another cookie cutter corporate wasteland.
"We tried to stay in business, but I couldn't keep the waitresses hired." Bill Rickom, former GM of Lincoln's Chilis Bar and Grill, told Imabro in a non-exclusive interview.
"He was constantly in here offering the waitresses rides, telling them he'd take them cruising in his "'stang." He would just sit in the bar and stare at them. Sometimes he'd hand them aluminum Playboy business cards. Our bartender girl told me that the cards always appeared old and she questioned if he even worked there."
Other neighbors, like some that asked to have their identities concealed due to fears that Rochard might figure out how to use Google, used more elaborate methods to try to get Rochard to move out.
"We tried everything to get him to leave, hell, we even had some of the neighbors convince him that they were parking their cars in our driveway and that we didn't actually live there, just so he'd think we left. I know one neighbor replaced the yard with dirt, he was trying to send a message to Rochard. In a biblical sense, the message was that Rochard causes vast droughts and famine. None of it worked though."
At one point, most residents claimed that most of their lives had been transformed from suburban paradise, to a life spent on the run from being cornered by Rochard and being forced to listen to his stories and politics.
We interviewed several local Drs. throughout the community, they all agreed that while Rochard is annoying, its not something that will effect long term health and most former residents should expect to feel 100 percent again within a month after relocating.
"The important thing is to get right back on the saddle. Start interacting with people again, go to community events and invite new neighbors over. The key in getting Rochard out of your mind is being proactive and having a positive attitude."
Thursday, July 22, 2010
The evolution of Original Industry ideas.
Have you ever wondered how all "original ideas" always seem to end up looking like all the rest of the shit? Here is a solid tutorial on how an original, game changing idea, turns into the rest of the shit.
The first thing that has to happen is that the idea must first be conceived from the pit of uselessness. In other words, in order to really fuck something up grand scale, you must eliminate any chance that research or financial implications have been considered. The idea must come on a whim and you must commit to never turning back.
The next important step is to do absolutely no real planning, and again, no research into the idea. Instead, your next plan of attack must be to email out for a huge conference call. Included in this professional liaisons will be an NDA. The NDA will make people think that your idea is really fucking awesome, and at this juncture, that's the foremost goal. Remember, the key to a solid NDA is making sure you explain what words mean, but never really saying a fucking thing.
At this point, you send the NDA out to 100 people. You only really need like 3 of them, at most, but that's just not good enough. 100 people thinking you have some bad ass , game changing idea is way better. You will then get 100 people replying to you with "thanks I will have my attorney review this NDA and then return it." What this means is that 3 attorneys will receive the same NDA over and over again from roughly 10 people. The other 90 are just saying they will have it reviewed, but will actually call up their bro that isn't on the NDA received list and ask if they should sign it.
Once this is complete, its time for the conference call. No matter what your project is, even if its not actually a live internet site or doesn't even process transactions, you still need to get a hosting company and billing company on the call.
Present developer with plan. Remember, you have already sent the developer like 700 stream of conscious ideas this week from your iPhone, so the only way for him or her to understand the relative significance between your idea and the signing of the Declaration of Independence is through presenting an official spec.
Now its time to create your coming soon banners for GFY. Here's a good model / formula for the perfect pre launch banners.
At this point, its time to hit up Eric and pretend that you want to pay for a GFY skin. Its important to keep in mind that you will never really fucking do this, but you MUST pretend that you are totally interested. Once you have sufficiently wasted his time, you should make a thread on GFY that you are hiring for a secret project that will change the world. This way, you will get a bunch of out of work hot tail hitting you up and maybe you can swing a blowjob somewhere in this parade. Also, its time to get rid of that Havasu hangover and review the final product. Basically, the next 5 minutes of your life will consist of the following:
-Q/A
-Deciding random launch date
Now the fun begins. Its time to launch it to the best and brightest minds there are and reap in all the glory of your new brainchild. Its important that you categorize the idea as "mainstream."
Ok, now that you new product has failed, time to start trying to fix the issue. First thing you need to do is have a meeting with the developer and designer.
Now once this change is completed, you need to buy a bunch of traffic from all the usual suspects. Spend a ton of cash. Once you have done this, you will make one join. Here is what the spreadsheet will look like:
Join = $19.99
Seeing that you thought you'd just be counting money at this point, you never accounted for the developer's time cost, banner production cost, extra day in Havasu bragging cost, and don't forget that NDA attorney fee. So basically, you don't know that every join actually = -$4,146, but you have an idea its pretty fucked up
Now that you are losing your ass and your product is a complete and total copy of everyone else's, its time to finalize this disaster by starting a thread on GFY and blaming tube sites for cloakingcash's failure.
BROMaster out.
The first thing that has to happen is that the idea must first be conceived from the pit of uselessness. In other words, in order to really fuck something up grand scale, you must eliminate any chance that research or financial implications have been considered. The idea must come on a whim and you must commit to never turning back.
The next important step is to do absolutely no real planning, and again, no research into the idea. Instead, your next plan of attack must be to email out for a huge conference call. Included in this professional liaisons will be an NDA. The NDA will make people think that your idea is really fucking awesome, and at this juncture, that's the foremost goal. Remember, the key to a solid NDA is making sure you explain what words mean, but never really saying a fucking thing.
At this point, you send the NDA out to 100 people. You only really need like 3 of them, at most, but that's just not good enough. 100 people thinking you have some bad ass , game changing idea is way better. You will then get 100 people replying to you with "thanks I will have my attorney review this NDA and then return it." What this means is that 3 attorneys will receive the same NDA over and over again from roughly 10 people. The other 90 are just saying they will have it reviewed, but will actually call up their bro that isn't on the NDA received list and ask if they should sign it.
Once this is complete, its time for the conference call. No matter what your project is, even if its not actually a live internet site or doesn't even process transactions, you still need to get a hosting company and billing company on the call.
Present developer with plan. Remember, you have already sent the developer like 700 stream of conscious ideas this week from your iPhone, so the only way for him or her to understand the relative significance between your idea and the signing of the Declaration of Independence is through presenting an official spec.
Now its time to create your coming soon banners for GFY. Here's a good model / formula for the perfect pre launch banners.
At this point, its time to hit up Eric and pretend that you want to pay for a GFY skin. Its important to keep in mind that you will never really fucking do this, but you MUST pretend that you are totally interested. Once you have sufficiently wasted his time, you should make a thread on GFY that you are hiring for a secret project that will change the world. This way, you will get a bunch of out of work hot tail hitting you up and maybe you can swing a blowjob somewhere in this parade. Also, its time to get rid of that Havasu hangover and review the final product. Basically, the next 5 minutes of your life will consist of the following:
-Q/A
-Deciding random launch date
Now the fun begins. Its time to launch it to the best and brightest minds there are and reap in all the glory of your new brainchild. Its important that you categorize the idea as "mainstream."
Ok, now that you new product has failed, time to start trying to fix the issue. First thing you need to do is have a meeting with the developer and designer.
Now once this change is completed, you need to buy a bunch of traffic from all the usual suspects. Spend a ton of cash. Once you have done this, you will make one join. Here is what the spreadsheet will look like:
Join = $19.99
Seeing that you thought you'd just be counting money at this point, you never accounted for the developer's time cost, banner production cost, extra day in Havasu bragging cost, and don't forget that NDA attorney fee. So basically, you don't know that every join actually = -$4,146, but you have an idea its pretty fucked up
Now that you are losing your ass and your product is a complete and total copy of everyone else's, its time to finalize this disaster by starting a thread on GFY and blaming tube sites for cloakingcash's failure.
BROMaster out.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Cybernet Expo shows Baddog who is really a dinasour.
I know what you're thinking, where the hell have you been? Well, unlike most of you losers, I was busy getting laid and being awesome. But seeing this week Baddog turned 900 years old, I thought there were only two choices to be had here...either donate his little camera to a museum of ancient artifacts, or do a new installment of BROMaster.
I choose the latter. If you don't like it, fuck off and lighten up.
Holy shit KB, I haven't even written anything yet? Can I get a second to get started at least? Is that too fucking much to ask?
I may have a contest for the best explanation on how this picture happened. Seriously, wtf?
Anyways, this week the famous Cybernet Show went down in San Fransisco, and of course Fubar took a bunch of awful pictures that we need to go over.
Holy shit Spannow, you couldn't wait 2 seconds? Anyways, the show started off with an Alcatraz Networking party led off by Ynot Jay.
Some pictures write their own caption. Now I am no expert on Alcatraz, but I have seen a bunch of Orange County Housewives episodes, and my take on Alcatraz is that its jail. With bars and shitty plumbing. This appears to be a banquet room at Days Inn, which is not a jail. My expertise in the field of banquet rooms not being the same as jails leads me to a couple of healthy conclusions. First, this is the greatest conceptual show event of all-time. Basically, the title "Alcatraz Networking" is supposed to symbolize the torture that is spending time with people in this industry in a confined space. Second, Jay blowing a horn in a banquet room is supposed to symbolize the concept of "fucking annoying."
There was a roaring 20's themed party. Like every BROvent, there are always tons of BROs ready to get dressed up and make a scene. But this year, it was less about the dressed up BROs and more about the conceptual art that greeted them at the door. Like this gem. It was appropriately titled, "Things We Knew in the 1920's."
Anyways, there are more Roaring 20's pics here... Click at your own health risk, pics of Jay dancing warning.....
Of course, like any show, there was a ton of Biz (with a Z) getting done.
I would totally beat that guy down like rock on paper. Just kidding, I totally wouldn't do that at all. Anyways, carrying on....
Look BRO, I just started this shit again. Lay off, I probably will not even notice you. Take a chill pill my man....
Color me a liar...
Whoa.....hey man, its just a joke! No reason to go all crazy guy. Speaking of Crazy Guys...
Judging from this picture, its backtracking in an investigation if you don't start with a search for bodies. If this picture is the only evidence of a missing girl, the dead body is assumed. That's how Jerry Orbach would handle that shit.
Thanks Jerry.
One thing that hasn't changed at BROventions is BROs trying to find a way to make things better. Like here.
Of course, some BROs took some time out to get a little biz done at the BROvention...
Those that attended Cybernet not only were treated to a banquet room mock prison and a spreadsheet on the difference between the term "dwarf" and "midget" (I'm serious folks, go look for yourselves, I'm not posting that shit on my site, I keep this bitch classy) but they also got the pleasure of learning how to use a camera from Spannow.
Sweet trick bro! I know I'm in!
Every now and then, a BRO will feel left out and isolated at a BROvention. Its up to other BROs and precise Industry verification systems to validate them. Kinda like Grimshawn, but not exactly.
Of course, no BROVention is a BROVention unless the media is there in full force.
Rochard, I'm almost done. Seriously, a little patience here?
Of course, lots of important bonding took place between the BROs...
And don't forget about the big parties....
Do you enjoy broke guys that hide behind computer aliases with small but effective penises? Seriously, Facebook me.
BROMaster out.
I choose the latter. If you don't like it, fuck off and lighten up.
Holy shit KB, I haven't even written anything yet? Can I get a second to get started at least? Is that too fucking much to ask?
I may have a contest for the best explanation on how this picture happened. Seriously, wtf?
Anyways, this week the famous Cybernet Show went down in San Fransisco, and of course Fubar took a bunch of awful pictures that we need to go over.
Holy shit Spannow, you couldn't wait 2 seconds? Anyways, the show started off with an Alcatraz Networking party led off by Ynot Jay.
Some pictures write their own caption. Now I am no expert on Alcatraz, but I have seen a bunch of Orange County Housewives episodes, and my take on Alcatraz is that its jail. With bars and shitty plumbing. This appears to be a banquet room at Days Inn, which is not a jail. My expertise in the field of banquet rooms not being the same as jails leads me to a couple of healthy conclusions. First, this is the greatest conceptual show event of all-time. Basically, the title "Alcatraz Networking" is supposed to symbolize the torture that is spending time with people in this industry in a confined space. Second, Jay blowing a horn in a banquet room is supposed to symbolize the concept of "fucking annoying."
There was a roaring 20's themed party. Like every BROvent, there are always tons of BROs ready to get dressed up and make a scene. But this year, it was less about the dressed up BROs and more about the conceptual art that greeted them at the door. Like this gem. It was appropriately titled, "Things We Knew in the 1920's."
Anyways, there are more Roaring 20's pics here... Click at your own health risk, pics of Jay dancing warning.....
Of course, like any show, there was a ton of Biz (with a Z) getting done.
I would totally beat that guy down like rock on paper. Just kidding, I totally wouldn't do that at all. Anyways, carrying on....
Look BRO, I just started this shit again. Lay off, I probably will not even notice you. Take a chill pill my man....
Color me a liar...
Whoa.....hey man, its just a joke! No reason to go all crazy guy. Speaking of Crazy Guys...
Judging from this picture, its backtracking in an investigation if you don't start with a search for bodies. If this picture is the only evidence of a missing girl, the dead body is assumed. That's how Jerry Orbach would handle that shit.
Thanks Jerry.
One thing that hasn't changed at BROventions is BROs trying to find a way to make things better. Like here.
Of course, some BROs took some time out to get a little biz done at the BROvention...
Those that attended Cybernet not only were treated to a banquet room mock prison and a spreadsheet on the difference between the term "dwarf" and "midget" (I'm serious folks, go look for yourselves, I'm not posting that shit on my site, I keep this bitch classy) but they also got the pleasure of learning how to use a camera from Spannow.
Sweet trick bro! I know I'm in!
Every now and then, a BRO will feel left out and isolated at a BROvention. Its up to other BROs and precise Industry verification systems to validate them. Kinda like Grimshawn, but not exactly.
Of course, no BROVention is a BROVention unless the media is there in full force.
Rochard, I'm almost done. Seriously, a little patience here?
Of course, lots of important bonding took place between the BROs...
And don't forget about the big parties....
Do you enjoy broke guys that hide behind computer aliases with small but effective penises? Seriously, Facebook me.
BROMaster out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)